Beautiful Girls

As I sit here and watch the girls play I realize how blessed I am. I start to understand a small portion of what my mother has been through all of these years. I struggle every day. I worry even worse about how I am going to protect my daughters from making the same mistakes I did. How am I going to protect them from being hurt like I have been hurt all these times. How do I raise them right when I make so many mistakes everyday. I don't feel like I am the best mother I could be. I suffer from depress, a sever anxiety disorder called tricotilomania. I'm not sure if I spelled that correctly, as well as bipolar2. I am struggling everyday to feel happy. I have so much to be happy about. So why is it I feel so sad all the time. I should appreciate the things that I have and others may never experience. I have an amazing life filled with amazing people. I appreciate them all very much. I am sure it doesn't always seem that way though. To everyone out there who has had my back who has been there for me through it all Thank you so much. These Beautiful Girls Sitting here give me reason to live. These Beautiful Girls give me strength when I think I can not go on. I love these two Beautiful Girls.

Saturday May 28, 2011

I have had a good day thus far. Got up early and had the pleasure of my wonderful man saying no go back to sleep I will take care of everything. Just a little while ago my daughters father dropped off Serinity to me which tickled me to death. I love my time with her. After a quick snack the girls are now out for the count taking a lovely nap. In this time of quiet I reflect on my parenting. I know that I haven't always done my best with my children and to this day I know I make mistakes but I am certainly trying to get us back on our feet and support them the best I can from me. Daniel works very hard at his job at K&W and sometimes I just don't feel like cooking cleaning and taking care of the kids is contributing enough. Everyday is a struggle, but we are trying the best we can to make this work. As everyone knows Alissa is not biologically mine but I am the only mommy she knows and I love her with all my heart. She can definitely be difficult at times. Some days she is difficult all day. But none the less I love her and will do anything for her. I have also been thinking about my mother. I always wished we could be so close but we never have been. I am hoping that through this blog I can really reconnect with her in a way like never before. I love my mom and I know she loves me but we definitely butt heads sometimes. I guess that's all I have to say for now. So until next time Thank You for reading.